i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The best revenge is premature balding
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
