tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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