who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
