I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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