i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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