You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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