'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize