Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize