I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
