You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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