im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
cat food counts as protein by the way
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
