This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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