I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
