so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
