Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
