Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize