yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
