I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
