I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
