so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
