i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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