I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
