Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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