Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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