Where is the hickey?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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