I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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