It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
