You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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