I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a search helicopter?!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
