mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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