im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
