Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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