I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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