im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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