And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
