Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize