Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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