So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
