I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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