the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Everclear isn't food dammit
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
