I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
