What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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