She is in my trunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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