A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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