hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
