Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
