Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
