You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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