im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
