Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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