I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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