Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
