he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
