If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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