I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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