I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
