They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
