her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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