Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just invented taco cereal.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
