we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
