Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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