Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
