I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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