What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sext me about skeletons
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
