when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Terrible idea I love it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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