I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
