Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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