Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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