Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Less talking, more tequila
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
