I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
