I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
