glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
