I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
