I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
