Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
