a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
