I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
