The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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