no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
