i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dicks are not precious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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