Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
