OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
